Dating at 30 in the Digital Age

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I've been single for a few months now after getting my heart shredded into pieces and am finally ready to "come out" about it. Breaking up at 30, with the guy who I thought was "the one" makes me feel like such a failure. Thankfully, in NYC there are a lot of women who find themselves in situations such as myself, and I've been told that women my age are actually the cream of the crop for serious guys looking for the real deal. For real. Right. Right? Now that I've gotten the sad, self-indulgent bit out of the way, can we um, talk about dating apps? I've been off the market for a WHILE now and now that I'm back ON the market I have no idea what I'm dealing with. The only thing in town a few years ago was Tinder, but now that that's officially creepy and dead, where do I go? What photos do I choose? What do I say to inquisitive internet strangers? Will they want to go out with me just because they can find stuff on Google about who I am? All I can say is, I'm not sure how I feel about this newfound, strange place I'm entering in to.

I've dabbled a bit on Raya and Hinge so far - two wildly different apps with wildly different types of men on them. Raya is mostly full of Angelenos and British photographers, photos of The Playa abound. Where are the New Yorkers on this thing? Ones who aren't models? Help? I even had to configure a song to play alongside my profile of alluring photos and that was the most stressful piece in all of it. So far, I've matched with Lupe Fiasco. I'm sure he is nice, but I don't see a future with a man that lives in Chicago.

Hinge is TOTALLY different. My phone won't stop beeping at me. I'm close to pressing the delete button, but there do seem to be some moderately nice dudes on there? It kind of feels like what Tinder used to feel like in the early days, with a smaller community but still swiping through mass amounts of people. I feel exposed and naked, especially because they require you to provide quotes like "what you're looking for" in a mate. I chose to write: "Looking for a crunchy beef taco in a city full of soft tacos. This is not a metaphor." And truly, it's not. I'm from Southern California and I'm dying for a fucking PERFECT CRUNCHY BEEF TACO in NYC. Everyone thinks it's a joke. They are wrong.

Is this my future since my fantasy future imploded? Whatever happened to meeting a nice guy at a bar or through a friend? I don't want to be in this place, yet, here I am. Long story short, that's how far I've made it after a few days of dipping my toe back into the water - with caution, because it's scary, I'm scared, and what if my ex pops up on my phone with a profile of his own? That would surely be heart-melting. The thought alone makes me miss him, miss our little family, and the life we so carefully constructed together - the one that is no longer.


Are you an online dater? What are your favorite apps? Leave me a comment below!

Image via Mashable.